


All We Are Is Just A Moment

by CosmoKid



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Internal Monologue, M/M, Pain, Post-Season/Series 04, Pre-Slash, Songfic, Why Did I Write This?, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 17:35:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15515013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmoKid/pseuds/CosmoKid
Summary: Stiles stares at the abandoned jacket slung over his wardrobe door. There’s a long scratch down the back of it and the leather looks old and worn. It’s been there for a month now; he hasn’t had the heart to take it down.He misses him.Just a drabble about how Stiles feels about Derek leaving between season four and five.





	All We Are Is Just A Moment

**Author's Note:**

> so i was listening to austin and ally songs whilst rewatching truth or dare because tyler posey and then this happened
> 
>  
> 
> song is I Think About You by Ross Lynch

_Would you know what to say if I saw you today?_

Stiles stares at the abandoned jacket slung over his wardrobe door. There’s a long scratch down the back of it and the leather looks old and worn. It’s been there for a month now; he hasn’t had the heart to take it down.

He misses him. 

He misses Derek and his language of eyebrow movements and his constant tendency to growl rather than communicate. The way his eyes twinkled in the moonlight and the quiet voice he’d take when they’d speak. They hadn’t talked as much as Stiles would have wanted after the events in Mexico, but he’d cherished every moment they’d spent together. He thought he’d lost him and he wouldn’t have ever forgiven himself for leaving if he had. 

But he hadn’t. Derek had needed to _die_ for some reason as if that was fair. As if Derek hadn’t had enough pain and turmoil in his life as it was. 

It feels like everyone around them has died like they’re cursed with death omens or something. The list of dead friends is a foot long, but the idea of losing Derek is just too much for him.

He pretty much has lost him at this point. Derek left a month after the Mexico fiasco, which is how he’s began to refer to it in order to lessen the pain of it. It’s been a month since Stiles came into the room to find Derek’s jacket hanging on his wardrobe door with a carefully signed envelope in the pocket. It’s been a month since he felt whole.

He misses him so much, but when he thinks about it, he wouldn’t have anything to say to Derek if he came back other than to leave again. The thought of ever dragging him back to this godforsaken town makes him wretch. He’s so happy that Derek is free of Beacon Hills even if his chest aches every time he thinks about it.

 

_Would you let it all crumble to pieces?_

He glances at the note on his desk. He’s placed it on every surface in his room, trying to find it a permanent home. The desk is as good as a place as anything else, finally clear of all his notes about everything supernatural and the dead pool and everything else going on. It’s almost like the note has been given a royal place or something.

His feelings towards it are mixed, still. He gets that Derek has always had issues communicating, and writing a note is easier, but then he thought he was worth a bit more than a goodbye note.

Maybe it was stupid that he thought he was more to Derek than he was. Maybe he misread the situation. Maybe he was just a shoulder to cry on. Maybe he was nothing more than that, but it just felt like they were something more.

There’s a part of him that wants to burn the note and just watch the ash fall away as some kind of overly complicated metaphor for letting go, but he just can’t. He can’t let go of it. It’s the only thing he has left of Derek other than the jacket.

Sometimes he thinks about wearing the jacket. Surely that’s why Derek left it for him. There are other ways to denote the letter from him so there has to be another reason for the jacket being left for him. And the idea of wrapping it around him when he sleeps is tempting, but then when he touches the jacket, it just feels sacred or something. So it just stays there, hanging on the wardrobe. 

He wonders if Derek feels the same as him. If he thinks about Stiles as much as Stiles thinks about him. If he wishes he had something of Stiles’ to stare at like a pathetic angst-ridden teen. If his life seems to revolve around someone on the other side of the country.

 

_Cause I know I should forget you if I could. I can’t yet for so many reasons._

He tries to take his mind off of it sometimes. He goes out with Scott to see the new Marvel movie and he goes on epic Wikipedia binges with Kira and he goes shopping with Lydia and he tries to go on dates with Malia. 

They never go well. Malia doesn’t understand the unspoken rule of not talking in the cinema or that eating steak in a public restaurant tends to warrant the use of cutlery. Plus, the relationship has been going nowhere for a while now. There’s no nuance in their relationship and there’s no spark anymore. 

It just happened and kept happening, but it doesn’t make him happy.

Derek makes him happy. 

But he can’t up and move to New York even if he has enough credits to graduate early. He didn’t apply to any colleges and he can’t just leave his Dad without them talking about it. And he doesn’t even know if Derek would want him there.

He’s off finding himself and he doesn’t need Stiles and his incessant babbling and trauma there for that. And anyway, he doesn’t know if Derek is even in New York anymore. He might have gone down to Nicaragua to meet Cora or he might have gone up to Alaska or to even like Austria or something. 

There’s a voice in his head that tells him to not think about it, but he can’t. There’s more time to think now that they’ve finished school. He can spend hours reading ahead with Lydia or playing video games with Scott, but no matter what he does, it’s always on his mind.

 

_I think about you every morning when I open my eyes_

When he wakes up in the morning, he sees pale green eyes and fuzzy eyebrows. He runs through his dream and he doesn’t know how to feel about it when he realizes that all he ever dreams about is Derek.

The day starts in the same way that it will continue until he falls asleep and dreams about Derek again. There are constant flickers of Derek in his mind while he brushes his teeth, while he showers, while he makes and eats breakfast. As he gets changed, he stares at the jacket on his door and thinks about putting it on and engulfing himself with Derek.

He’s not sure he could pull off the leather look anyway, not in the way that Derek did.

 

_I think about you every evening when I turn out the lights_

Even his dreams feature Derek.

It’s the one place where he can pretend that he and Derek had something and that they’d be together forever like he was a kid in kindergarten with a crush. He can pretend that they were dating or at least something more than what they really were.

Sometimes his dreams are happy. They’re filled with idealistic notions of all the dates they go on and how Derek would crush him at bowling, but Stiles would beat him in the arcade. How Derek would pick him up from school when his jeep breaks down and how they drive down the road together and hold hands. How they’d midnight picnics in the preserve and Derek would snort at drunk Stiles.

And then there are the nightmares. The ones where Derek died in Mexico. The ones where they attend the funeral and he has to watch the coffin be lowered down into the ground and try not to cry. The ones where they try to move on and they talk about the good moments with Derek. The ones where Derek is gone. The ones where Stiles thinks that at least Derek doesn’t have to deal with any more bullshit. The ones where he wants to wake up.

He wishes he could wake up and see the jacket missing from his wardrobe and have his sourwolf back in his life again. 

_I think about you every moment, every day of my life_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
>  
> 
> come cry about teen wolf with me on [tumblr](https://cosmo-k-i-d.tumblr.com/)  
> 


End file.
